i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
