My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
