Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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