You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
