I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
