Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
