i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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