An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
