I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
