i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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