I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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