can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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