I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
