i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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