This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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