white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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