You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Girls should come with a carfax report
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
