Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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