do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
