Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
