could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
