I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
