I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
