the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
