I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
