When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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