sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
