I have demons in me.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
