They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
