Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
