My Higher Power is John Stamos
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
