We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
