so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
