i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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