By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
