One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
