Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
