I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
