I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
