you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
