The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
