I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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