I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
