I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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