There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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