I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
