I'm going to jail i love you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
