Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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