There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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