i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
