a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
