She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
